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Salvation! My name is Zero Suit Samus (or Samus for short), and I’m an energetic pit bull mix in need of love. And I really mean it. I need a family that hugs me because your pain for not hugging me is to hear the cry of my people. My foster dad says from my crying I must be descended from pterodactyls, but that’s silly because pterodactyls don’t even like peanut butter. And I love peanut butter. And sweets. And strawberries. And the watermelon. And anything, really. Honestly kid, if you give me your salad, I’ll eat it. Don’t want your broccoli? I will take care of your problem. Do you see this toy? It’s in my stomach now. Do you see that vomit? Well, you can get your toy back.

Like all superdogs, I have an origin story: I ran across the freeway and caused a 4-car pileup that I ended up under. It wasn’t my best pick, but it’s still a better love story than “Twilight.” I have to take medicine every day now, otherwise I have pretty bad attacks. But I like to think of my epilepsy as my unbridled superpower that the world just isn’t ready for yet.

I’m originally from Tulsa, but I’m still not a fan of Bermuda grass here – I have allergies in the summer, so that’s something you need to know. Despite this, I still like to run and roll in the grass, and if you throw a ball at me, I can jump and catch it in the air even when it’s 6 feet tall. I am not exaggerating. (Pterodactyl dogs never overdo it.) And would you mind spraying me with a hose once in a while? I love playing in water, especially when it comes out of a small pipe at the speed of a jet.

But if you have another dog at home, forget it because I am a single dog. Lone wolf. A rebel. I won’t share my toys, I won’t share my food, and I won’t share my family. I do very well with other dogs in general, but once you introduce toys or food, I get very territorial. Can we agree that I will be your only one?

By the way, I love children. I don’t have these issues with other humans, so don’t worry about bringing me home with your little ones. I am faithful to the bone. You do not believe me ? Try jogging with me. I will follow your rhythm all the time, just by running close to your hip. Need me to lick the sweat off your face after a particularly hot run? Baby, that’s what I mean. I am a good dog. My host family says so too. I will take care of you if you let me. I am thirsty to learn, I do not catch coronavirus and I have my feet on the ground. I won’t poop in your Cheerios. Unless it’s one of your commands, but why would it be? Don’t want your Cheerios? Let me have them instead.

Samus is fully vaccinated, neutered, microchipped and available for adoption through Compassionate Animal Rescue Efforts.

For information, visit carerescueok.org.

COURTESY/CARE

Bette C. Alvarado